Mandy

2012-02-05T22:00:00.001+08:00

Good friends dont leave you out.

never.

2012-02-05T19:26:00.002+08:00

I can safely say I went through today well. Sleeping at 4 am proved to be nothing of a bad thing. Since I had a good cup of coffee and chocolate after lunch I'm still on my feet so, im good. And, dinner was lunch. hmph. I think the thought of me plainly whistling my way through the 3rd of Feb without even going online to search on how to buy tickets for the beast concert is gnawing at the back of my brain. I'm suprised that i'm even able to keep my ecstasy in control that well. I must not be myself.

F my language and wierd english tone. Watching Marie Antoinette did this to me.

February 5 : "The lord is my fort where I can go and be safe. He is a big mountain where I can hide. He is my saviour; I can run to him for safety." Indeed.

How's living a day without bev? Fine. Yesterday proved to be a good time to slap myself across the face and not even realise that it hurt. Seriously, I think I need somebody to hang me upside down. Im a sucker for people leaving but I know how to cope with it. And it is amazing how reality is like shit.

Now, I shall scramble on how to get to SAM.

2012-02-04T14:18:00.003+08:00

I like the airport. In the sense that it feels like a place which holds so much uncertainty. But in a good way. My friend thinks that its a sad place, where people leave.

Well I think thats another way to think about it. Tonight, another leaves.
Am I sad?. Am I happy?

I'm indifferent.
People leave and they will be far, but distance makes the heart grow fonder.
In time, things go and come. Time ticks for us to move on.
But our friendship remains the same, unweathered through history.

oh how cheesy. But i'm sick and my head is woozy.. you know? T.T

2012-01-31T23:31:00.002+08:00

"Lets set the world on fire,
we can burn brighter,
then the sun."

My new life begins tomorrow! :D I'm glad for today, and no matter I will definitely not look back.

"I want you to make sure you do well and work very very hard."

I think i'll remember that forever.
And my legs are like, sore from cycling. At least I can turn now!

2012-01-29T22:52:00.002+08:00

What a long and tiring day.
And what a long life that is left.

I think life is all about acting, like what shakespeare said. "All the world's a stage."
We act all the time, pretend and bluff. Hiding everything.
And we spend life waiting, waiting for things to happen.
Waiting for life to pass us by.

And then we plan our next move.

2012-01-25T00:14:00.002+08:00

Life without SC is a life without order, a life filled with uncertainty.
Everything is up to you, how you want it to be. It is uncomfortable, reality is suddenly so raw. When I wake up tomorrow, I must think about everything. About everything I have, everything that I dont have, what I want and how I'm going about to achieve it. Whatever happens is going to be out of my control but i'm going to spend every last opportunity I have of it to try and manipulate my fate.
I'm playing a game of life. And it is not fun at all.

2012-01-18T11:18:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling so stressed all of a sudden...

2012-01-08T20:47:00.002+08:00

Nothing much to say tonight.

Except that the wind is pretty strong, making the wind chimes clang against the windows.
And the moon is surrounded by an illuminating cloud of grey.

I've put in my best effort,
and I pray that all the work has paid off.
Dear God I think I know that you know how I'm feeling right now.
And I think you know I was really down in the dumps during Os.

But whatever it is to be, I place my trust in you because
I love you alot and you love me too.

Amen.

2012-01-06T22:03:00.002+08:00

"hello.pls understan y we don tok to u or sae tt we are not ur fwen. lets sae we r not exactly ur fwen. but in someway, we are oso ur fwen.its inbetween get it? we oso nver sae we neva forgive u. we forgave u long ago but we r jus very scared of u now. u keep sayin ur gonna change but each time u sae tt, we forgive u and then u turn worse after tt.I hav to sae tt ur tough! : X like:..u realy noe how to talk bad bout pple then influence other pple.how u do tt?  i don't noe. u can pre-tend u didn't see this e-mail but i don care the heck wat u do with this email. cos WE don care anymore."

oh the joys of growing up. That is you will have the most imponderable joy of knowing that you'll never speak
like a brainless dumb blonde ever again. I really wonder what the heck I was thinking writing that 8 years ago.
I must have really embarressed myself. oh my gosh.

So beverly does devotion. And the last time I checked devotion out, it means bible studies.
Anyhow, I asked my mum to give me an A4 book for me to write my prayers down.
It feels good to see how our relationship progresses and to see what i've prayed for.
It keeps me humble.

2012-01-05T01:07:00.002+08:00

Lepaking at Bev house.

I'm enjoying myself here more then I thought that I would be. :) Which is of course an awesome thing. Being here will be one thing that I'll always look back. For one, being able to be in a close proximity with lady, bev's dog. It's really nice having a dog. I think one day i'll have one when I grow up. The companionship is awesome.

To think that i'd never have thought that I would be that close with my classmates. It's amazing, what god has given me.

Life is unpredictable.

I can't tell what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year. But I hope god doesn't make it too hard for me. Come what may. What will happen will happen and there's no stopping it.

2012-01-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

So, you ask, how does it feel to be in the shadow of 2011 and feeling the new ground of 2012?

Fantastic.
Quite frankly I'm ready to put past whatever has gone by. I feel like I've been given a new lease of life.

In that moment, I looked at the world clock, Auld lang Syne playing, and when she sang the last word, the clock struck 12. 2012 kicked out 2011. Yes it was that dramatic. In that special moment, I just wanted to wish everyone in the family.
This somehow makes me realise how Adam must have felt when he was given a life to live.
That first breath, taking in his surroundings whole, seeing and feeling. Filling his lungs with fresh, new air. Thats how I feel now, a clean blank paper.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup
and surely I’ll buy mine
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine^† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

2011-12-31T20:58:00.002+08:00

In exactly 3 hours, 2011 will come to a close.
Its been a great year, different then the rest. The year that I feel I worked the hardest. The year I found my true self. At the beginning of the year I was empty. Then I gradually realised the true satisfaction of helping others, going to the extent to do good and help people who require aid. The feeling of fulfillment is extremely satisfying. I vowed to be a better leader, prefect, classmate, friend, student, sister, kid. This year was trying. As O levels came nearer and nearer I saw myself sinking deeper into a cave of nothingness, loss and depression. It was the feeling of being hopeless, being truly stupid. Fearing everything.
I made decisions along the way, big and small ones. Cried alot. Talked to myself alot just to make myself see reason in my situation and talk myself out of it. That I can do it. It was difficult to make myself believe something I had thought about differently. To change my mindset was painful when I was so withdrawn.
But looking back, even though it was all a difficult process, hurrah to us all for passing through one of the hurdles in life. I'll definitely make it, it's mainly about what I want and how I'll percieve it to be.
When I listen to all the songs that I studied with, the feelings are just so overwhelming. The confidence I felt just before the exam, the comfort and warmth filling up in me listening to it after the completion of each paper. God gave me strength through music and I'm so thankful for that.
I've done some stupid things, did things wrong, did many things right (I hope), made you angry, made you smile, hate on people, tell you how much I love you but 2011 was something new and different. I'll never stop looking back in 2012.

1 more week. Just one more.
I think I'll seek solace in God.

Happy New Year Everyone :)

2011-12-29T22:20:00.002+08:00

Junhyung rocking the stage gangsta style <3

I'm now patiently waiting for the stage for SuperJunior to come up. I'm waiting very patiently. Personally, I absolutely have no love for the Hip Hop stage happening right now. The music is horrible. *puts fingers in ears* Groan.
I'm only condoning it because Junhyung is up there and I still have to wait for SJ.

2011-12-25T21:45:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas

This Christmas I asked for many things I think. And I also came to the conclusion that I had many things to ask forgiveness for. On Christmas Eve I sat down with an envelope, paper and a pen and wrote down my prayer for that night, penning down my thank-you's, sorry's and please's. And of course, not forgetting the happy birthday part. And then I wondered, how cool would it be to imagine myself chatting with him, listening to all that I had to say, all that I'd ask for. I think he's watching anyway. All the time.
I never believed in Santa Claus.
I dont know why. I really have no idea. I had every reason to believe he existed, even when presents appeared in my christmas stockings. I just knew it was my parents. How awful.

Today wasn't the best day, wasn't the most lavish christmas. But there's just something about today that is calming, peaceful and happy. Even when my laptop is not working, I can't play dragon age, im stuck using my dad's com. The wind blowing in my face, cool air, dark, dark night. It just feels like Christmas.

Thank you so much for everything you have done for me.
You don't always give me everything I ask for, but you have your reasons.
I haven't been the best person.
But i'll try to be better.
For all the things I've done wrong, I'm sorry and I will try really hard never to repeat them.
For all that I've done right, I'll keep them up and make you proud.
But thank you, thank you, thankyou so much for the guidance and love you've showered on me.

Happy Birthday :)

2011-12-17T22:04:00.003+08:00

I absolutely loathe the feeling of sand and moisture in my sandals.

So I met Amanda for the Apache outing today and we ate Superdoggg. :) I tell you the food that appears infront of me never lasts anything more then 5 minutes. . I kid. it was bloody good. Then we walked around with cheryl and finally made our way to the highest level of vivo to take the tram or whatever its called to sentosa. Thank god we met a fellow, very street smart apache there. With the blistering rain and wind, Amanda and I, would never have survived. =.=

And when we got there, we sat there and chatted for what I think was about 1 and a half hours. Played a few games and Amanda and I finally made our way to the beach whereby I, unfortunately forced her to walk all the way back to get her camera.

In that silence, I looked at the small waves that swished back and forth, beating momentarily back down on the beach. Squishing my toes into the grainy sand, feeling the texture, loving how I could easily delve my feet into a blanket of coolness. It was like a moment of my own, a time where I could be myself, where I could stop for a moment and see the world as it is.

When a door closes, another opens.
The waiting time between the closure and opening of each door is so difficult. There is so much to think about, so much worries, so much doubt and struggles. Sometimes it gets so difficult I question if my faith can save me. How dare I. And at times like this I wonder if the obstacles that is placed before me can get any harder.
What do I want in life? What do I see myself as?
I just want it to be simple.
But is that enough?
Life is always unfair.
It is difficult to tell myself that everything is alright when I'm not even sure what might be or might not.
I dont know I dont know I dont know.
And it is utterly terrifying.

I think I'll take it one step at a time.
I need to believe that I was given the opportunity to live for a purpose.

So after my peaceful moment, Amanda and I took a picture, placed our sandals together and tied them to an unwilling love chain and wrote the one thing that will forever remain deep in the back of our minds for it was the one thing that meant so much to us.

It was the beginning of all things happy.

2011-12-15T23:24:00.002+08:00

I feel like shit.
I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.

But im not sure why. I don't know what I'm afraid of or what I'm worried about.
There's this somewhat emptiness in me and I feel like a shell encasing nothing. Something is giving me the chills and, my back feels very.. vulnerable. Perhaps I'll be able to sleep it off. What a horrible feeling.

On a side note, we had a level outing today :) Well not many turned up but oh well, having few is better then none. It was a good time, having not seen each other for awhile. Had a good laugh, caught up. And I ate chicken rice. and it was good. What can be any better?

I have to have faith. Believe what is hard to believe.
Dear god, please please please help me

2011-12-13T21:45:00.002+08:00

Painted the study room door today.

And paint was artistically, intricately, patterned on my pristine clear skin.
Damn all the paint.

But well at least the door looks new and clean.
When it's dry i'll kiss the new, white, gleaming door.

well then. the rest of the house for the next week.

2011-12-12T22:22:00.002+08:00

Greyson chance puts the music back in me. Been a long time since i was able to open my mouth and sing as much as I want to. Sucks to have to keep it all in when you're itching to just let it flow out of your mouth. I feel so constipated all the time, like the music notes are all stuck in the hollow of my body cavities.

2011-12-12T12:15:00.002+08:00

I dont know if you're aware what you're doing because seriously, you need to stop it. I dont break or lose things on purpose. I dont know why. It's been missing a cover for freaking decades and dont start blaming me for it if its not where it's suppose to be. So you think I took out the cover and threw it out the window? Or maybe I saw it on the floor and I didn't want to pick it up.
Sometimes when you get pissed off, I wan't to scream my head back in your face just to make you wake up.

Sometimes I wish i had the power of silence.

2011-12-10T17:44:00.002+08:00

Thought that I should write.

But how ironic. My fingernails that have been painted black for decades are growing longer and longer. I can no longer type fast or play the piano. T.T How awfully sad. On a side note, I've got 5 pretty and deliciously awesome keychains that resemble food. Their cheap, not much, but they caught my eye. Cute little things. There's a slice of pizza, one that i think resembles a bread roll with ham, 2 hamburgers, one big and one small as well as a bun with what looks like a jelly topping. :/

2011-12-01T22:45:00.001+08:00

Dragon Age and Mass Effect.

..

and my Sims 3 :D

2011-12-01T21:52:00.000+08:00

Yesterday nights dream was beautiful. In a certain way. I didn't ask to dream about it and it's always the things you unconsciously always think about that you often end up dreaming about. It did, yes, gradually turn ugly but typing this out now makes me realise how stupid and foolish i've been. The first part of the dream was perfect, almost make-belief, like the introductions of fairy tales. When it ended, I could feel my anger being charged to those words that I had spitted out in rage. I should have kept calm though, would have been a cooler ending before I woke up :(
Life isn't fun if I don't make it to be.
I've got to stop telling myself that I got nothing to do.

and stop being lazy. :D

2011-12-01T21:23:00.002+08:00

Oh my gosh. I have never sat in front of the com lacking the patience to watch a K drama. My life is like a casette tape running in a player, rhythamically, without a purpose.

I dont know why I said that.

On a side note, I absolutely appreciate Trouble maker now. Initially I looked on with a very reserved mindset, with jealousy bleeding out of my ears. But really now, I'm just so so so proud of Hyunseung :D He loooks so gooddd. Anyway, the ending just completes me.

2011-12-01T00:02:00.001+08:00

I dont know whats happening. I really dont. And im not suppose to care because its none of my business. But every time I see, I cannot unsee and I cannot wish it all away.

seriously. whenever I see you im so pissed I wanted to rip you apart

2011-11-30T23:53:00.003+08:00

Went out today! with kimberly and keely. I had no idea what marche was and keely really enlightened me. I got a shock when I entered. Wasn't like the usual but hahahaha the thrill of having a card that acts like a credit card is awesomeeeee. We got some sort of potato gratin thing with sour cream on top, a magarita pizza with CHEEZEEEE and a Spanish Paella which is some sort of rice, seafood fried rice. AWESOME STUFF. :D Im so going there again.

and then we had gong cha. :D

2011-11-29T22:49:00.002+08:00

I mean I can't remember when was the last time I could tell myself that I really believed I had found the ultimatum. A type of music that I would love so much, a group that i'd forever be dedicated to, one that I would never take my eyes off for a long time. One that I would go down on my knees to beg just for an encore.
SJ Elfs have gone a long long way. I cannot say that I was one of the people who were with them, throughout those years, from the beginning. But I met them halfway, I saw them for the first time, at their highest point of fame and I am so glad I did. For us, it's been a wild ride. From the DUI, MIA, Enlistment headache, accidents, lawsuit, we saw it through and through. My emotions, for the first time in my life, for a group was soaring and dipping like a roller coaster but I held on because I believed SJ was worth 13elieving in. This is so *ucking cheesy but with all due respect, I say that the pioneers of the Hallyu wave have really been worth holding on to.
And even if one day, no one believes in them anymore, when the superstars have their final moment, I'll think to myself how lucky I am to have been part of something big.

2011-11-27T20:37:00.002+08:00

ackkk, need to get this uncomfortable feeeling off my chest. ? ?:( Im going out tmr again! finally! :D get out of this ..place!

I'm starting to feel like im having quite an unusually fulfilling holiday. Like i dont mind just sitting here, skyping with apache's, dragon age, blogging, facebook-ing. It just feels right! It feels whole..

2011-11-26T22:21:00.002+08:00

Red camp was awesome! Really i wish they made it longer. Like what amanda said, one path of discovery a day, stay over everynight. I know that by the last day, all the red campers would be teary eyed and the SLs will cry like hell! :/ I really miss all the cheers! But whenever there's a beginning, the end will come eventually. My taste for english music has become, extremely different. I dont know, adele seems to always pluck at my heart strings and artists like "noah and the whale", the wanted, Foster the people are on my playlist! :D

Anyway, i'm suppose to search for a picture of hyunseung so that I can draw him! :) i need to find high def. great. Im suppose to make a shirt, go out, draw and compile my writings.
awesome! :D

2011-11-15T22:07:00.002+08:00

I feel so tired that i just want to lie on the floor and foam at the mouth. I dont know. I'm just so tired! I dont even know why. It's not like bio was draining or anything. Its the last paper for heavens sake! I should be all active and energised, ready for a new beginning. But now im just a slobbering piece of fat, on the brink of crack up just thinking about the week's events. Sure im excited. But all the packing and preparing.
hm.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow, get my shoe and get gifts.

Personally. right now. I need to take a trip to the toilet.
toodles.

2011-11-08T22:38:00.002+08:00

I mean like what the hell is there to write about if i'm just going to be stuck at home.

Anyway, told myself that i was going to clear up my desktop before I sleep tonight
really need to organise the way the things are in my computer. I'm going to set my mind to do this and make sure I do it. I CAN DO THIS.
I always end up thrashing my projects into the oblivion just because I have no more drive.
Need to remind myself about the feeling.

2011-11-07T23:42:00.002+08:00

Its so hard to concentrate on persevering hard now. Really. SO HARD
Im like moping around the entire house, feeling lethargic and trying to do my work.
This is how im feeling right now.

I need food.

2011-11-05T21:37:00.002+08:00

Didnt run today.
I really have to run tomorrow. Really.
And im hungry:(

Got contact lenses today! It was so awesommeee. Never thought that i'd ever get over the fact that I would never be able to put it in. I kept blinking my eyes and my eyes are SO SMALL. OH GAH. :( SO SMALL. So difficult to put in :( And TAH DAH! I have astigmatism. I knew it.
heeh. The guy was patient enough to let me take my time and try and stuff the thing into my eye. The initial pain was like acid on my eye, tearing and the serious, mega, epic urge to sneeze and my nose was running like a tap. So this is what happens when you stick a foreign object in your eye. and i got my hair trimmed. Bye bye to that stupid mop of hair sticking to the side of my face -,-

Did Bio and chem mcq. le sigh. I have so many things to do. Write letters, make videos. When will I ever start =.=

oh and I forgot,
step out of this fugly me.

.So then, im off to wake my dad up and play dota with meeeeee. :)

2011-11-04T22:41:00.003+08:00

Hi blog.
I need to desperately re-connect myself to the virtual world again. Blog posts everyday from now on.

So. yesterday I got an itch.
An irritating itch. RIGHT BEFORE THE BIO PAPER.
Oh well it was just awesome timing -.- But... guess i tried my best to ignore it? :)

Ah, as I sit down here and time. This feeling is... wierd.
I dont know, its nothing that I can comprehend. Truly. Sincerely. I really dont understand whether im sad or stressed or is it both or am I just bored or am I forcing myself to emo cos i'm bored.
etc etc
I DONT KNOW.

I just have so many things cluttered in my brain. Wish there was someone, anyone online that I could talk to now. But there's no one.
It's like, Os are about to end, i've been waiting for this day to come, and when it comes, i'm suppose to feel happy but im not? And it comes as a real disappointment because you ask yourself wth is life for? There's no more worth in it!
Thinking about what i'll be leaving behind when I leave, the school, teachers, the awesome awesome awesome environment (there's no place cleaner. then sc) the cca, my friends and all the memories. I mean nothing will be the same again. It's like starting on a clean new slate. There's some part of it that I like about. The starting afresh. Its like I have the chance to make a new beginning, write and plan the future again. Its so foreign, so unknown, so clean. I dont think im afraid of stepping out, it doesn't matter to me where I go but whether I'm ready to make sure I do my best and always be happy in my decisions and what I do in life. But whenever I think about what i'm leaving behind, what will never be the same again, how the same comfort, regularity will be obliterated, it.. gets cold. Oh the joy of fooling around in class, being myself, laughing crazily, being at home.I will really miss all that.
It's been such a big part of my life. Brought me out from my mole hill, shaped me, made me into somebody. Just that section, if my life were to be written into a book, I'd highlight, tab, draw, doodle all over it, stick love post-its. Sure there were the tough times, all the struggling, coping now and then. But they made us closer, coagulated into one clump of sticky love jelly♥
And just as I see my seniors leave every year. It was a numbing thing. They came and they went. Now, its my turn. I'm so ready to leave yet longing to stay. How screwed.
So with the remaining days, I think I'll really have to spend alot of time reflecting, thanking those who lengthened those last few pages of the chapter, doodles in the inbetween, love post-its there and everywhere.
You know those flash backs that people say they see before they die?
I hope I recall all the happy memories in this portion of my life before I go.

2011-10-21T21:35:00.002+08:00

Last unofficial day in school. Didn't really initally think about it that much. Until someone mentioned it. Then I realised hey, well, everything IS coming to an end.
No more blog posts on SC, no more redcross.
You know maybe leaving isnt such a bad thing. I feel more relieved then the want to linger on. I dont know it just feels like i've been here for so long its time to move on. Yeah, im gonna miss the times. ALOT. All the stupid things we do. All the openness and freedom we have to express ourselves because in school we are one family and there's nothing to hide. In school, I can be myself and be in the comfort of people whom I know cares about me and makes me laugh all the time. Teachers that care so much and spoon feed us for everything. So protected, so safe.
And now its like, time for us to leave and step out into the real world. Where everything isnt all that flowery and glittery.
How will I survive.
But I have to move on. I can't ask god to stop time and let me cry for a while before I get my bearings and start life again.
My life is running faster then I can catch up
When next year comes im on my own.
And I start on a clean new slate.
It doesn't really matter where I go, and I dont care either.
I just wanna be happy and achieve my dream.
So I think wherever I end up, i'll work real hard.
Sure, I'll try.
But god has his ways of baffling people.

And now I'm going to head off to prepare for a 4 week long battle.

2011-08-28T20:51:00.003+08:00

*&@#$^@# O levels.

So little time left. Im feeling so stuffed. Like... many people stuffing tissue paper in your mouth. And you cant take it out because...if you take it out, you'll puke. Yeah, bad analogy but thats really how im feeling. I need help. Wish someone could make me and my brains work faster.
I realised that I put 7 subjects a day to study. Thats bloody insane right. Thats.. @#$#@.
But I spread out the work over days.

I still feel pretty suffocated.

On another note, came online because I'd like say bye to Heechul.

Dearest Kim Heechul,
from day one when I fell in love with Superjunior. I thought you were gay and over confident guy who thought too good about himself. But one day I realised how important you were to the group and without you, Super Junior would have been different. It just wouldn't be the same. Sure, sometimes you'd get angry for ridiculous reasons and you're petty about everything there's no denying that you've been pretty much the pillar for the group and most importantly, someone that Eeteuk could fall back on.

Please hurry and finish your time in the Army and complete it well.
We Elfs will patiently for you :)

2011-05-20T22:39:00.002+08:00

JUNHYUNG'S HAND ON HYUNSEUNG'S SHOULDER:

shampoo-ooo:

when they’re standing together we’re like:
the first few seconds when jun placed his hand on seung’s shoulder, we’re like:
the next few seconds we’re like:
and now we’re still like:

Daebak!
I absolutely LOVE THE WAY SUNGMIN REACTS. Damn cute.
:)

Argh, I'm really tired. Im tired of having to put up with all the nonsense that I have to hear everyday about this and that when the things is that you dont even understand or know anything.
You teach us good values, but you still stereotype. But what can I say, just like how my nicolette tells me that the stigma can never be erased and it is forever like this.

This envelope of shame and embarressment you put on us just to tell the whole world you justify your point,
I feel like personally shoving it down your throat.

2011-05-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

There are so many things I'd like to wish away.

There are so many things I would have wanted to keep.

2011-05-16T23:39:00.001+08:00

I say:
wouldnt it be nice if your love between you and ryeo was that cute
i could imagine him hugging a bear and pouting just cos you got dongwoon as your wall paper
Sarah says:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
SO CUTE
OMG
AND AND HIS TOY GIRAFFE
AND ME
WHHEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE
I say:
LOL
Sarah says:
give me his puppy eyes and i'll instantly delete it i swear
I say:

haha *digs out his eyes and puts the bloody mess in your hands*
Sarah says:
O: O: O: O: O:
HOW CAN YOU ABUSE MY WOOKIE T___T
I say:
what, you wanted his eyes!
Sarah says:
i will... RIP OUT HYUNSEUNG'S HAIR
gosh what a lousy comeback haha
I say:
NOOOOO
his orange haiiirr
NOOOO
its his hair that makes him look so goood
and his eyes
I break wookies toy giraffe!
Sarah says:
I DONT LIKE HYUNSEUNG
'S HAIR
I NEVER LIKED IT
I say:
D:< Sarah says: ESP BADGIRL THAT WAS EPIC I say: YOU! YOU! YOU! @#$*&#@$(#@$ @#$#@%*&(@#$ Sarah says: and then i found out he chose the hair style himself I say: youre joking right Sarah says: hahah im just saying. facts. no im srs!! I say: even i have to agree his hair was like shit in bad girl omg. Sarah says: yknw his fringe wasnt levelled right in bad girl I say: =.= Sarah says: it's his own design I say: YOU &(*#@$*(#@$ Sarah says: no wonder he got cut from bigbang hahaha okay okay kidding chillchillchill I say: hey.. you didnt have to say that.. Sarah says: im so used to teasing my sister abt it thats why but i think he got cut cause he's just too quiet i mean you can see how noisy seungri is, to the pt he actually annoys me I say: im still getting over the shock I had when I watched his elimination ytd heartbreaking. I could have bawled my eyes out but I watched him do it instead ah the pain ANYWAY. I BOIL WOOKIE"S GIRAFFE! Sarah says: yeah i read your blog >< quite poor thing ah my sister was showing it to me too, but oh wells. he's better now i guess more open
his 4d personality is super cute
I say:
hes damn stupid
but thats the part thati like
Sarah says:
WOOKIE'S GIRAFFE IS A TOY WAE YOU WANNA BOIL IT
I say:
so that all the fur will disintegrate and the bald patches will make it look more naked
so that the cotton will spill out and clump into a coagulated mess
and that wookie will cry and wail as he watches his giraffe die!
Sarah says:
BUT BUT HE LOVES GIRAFFES ;__; and because i think he has a freaking deprived childhood he went to the zoo for the first time in Taiwan i wanna hug him and kiss him and tell him it's okay to go to the zoo at this age D:
I say:
at this rate we're going to turn to ahjummas
Sarah says:
hahahahahaahahhahahahaha

2011-05-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

I say:

I've been telling my parents its possible to marry kpop idols

like i just recently felt so

and they called me crazy.

maybe I am. delusional

this is serious man :/

Sarah says:

hahahahaha you wanna marry hyunseung is it

XDDD

I say:

AHHHAAHH

OMG

Sarah says:

im alr married /thismakesmemoredelusionalthanyouare/

2011-05-16T23:05:00.002+08:00

Listening to Beast makes me forget the speckles of imperfections that my life is constantly embellished with. Just like how my ears are now blocked whenever take a deep breath. I feel like taking the toilet pump and testing it out on both ears, maybe that'll do the trick.

Ugh, today was so horrrible. I'm still alive so its not enough to break me. Elect lit early in the morning plus english. ENGLISH. MY LIFE. ARGH. There's still some pauls wheel thingamy I've to hand up on wednesday. And that reminds me oral english during wed recess. Emath Test. Chinese Paper 2. ART

?!@#$#!@#$!@#@#!

Oh well, might as well kiss the bad that comes along the way then avoid it.

Everymorning I wake up, I'm suppose to immediately stand up and march straight to the bathroom but nowadays its like me wanting to throw my murmuring handphone out the window.

2011-05-15T23:06:00.002+08:00

Beast Comeback on the 17th.

And there's no school on the 17th.

You know what this means?

I shave bald and do the ceremonial happy butt dance in my make shift fire.

To all the baddies who eliminated Hyunseung on the 9th episode.

Here's to you ********!

Anyway darling, you're better off in Beast then in Big Bang.

Everytime I see you shine, it's like smearing poop all over their faces, Yay! :D

2011-05-08T22:53:00.001+08:00

My goood long break is coming to an end. What a pain.
Well, at least I've managed to french braid my hair.

I leave you with this.

2011-05-08T22:09:00.002+08:00

Lee Soo Man unveils plans for upcoming 12-member boyband, “M1″ and “M2″"

I mean like what the ****. Is SJ becoming that old already? It's just poor management that you couldn't make sure that all members were constantly together! MY SJ! D:

Sigh, life. I wish that LSM would focus more on suju and make them crash the korea charts with hits bigger and better then before. They deserve much more then this shit. They've worked so hard, don't just push them aside :(

2011-05-06T00:34:00.002+08:00

Sarah ♥ says
i didnt exactly say that! i mean generally girls look for hot buff guys or wtv right, those are usually canoeists

amanda soo says
do you like big tanned buff guys?
they freak me out

Sarah ♥ says
no and yeah thats what i said on my blog i dont like they scare me
so big and stuff

amanda soo says
yeh
and big
and big
..
and big.

Sarah ♥ says
if they get pissed at you they can just smack you and you DIEEEEEEEE

amanda soo says
yah smack you with the paddle
PAK

Sarah ♥ says
HAHAHAHHAHAHA

amanda soo says
yay you laughed

Sarah ♥ says
hahah very anti-climax moment
it's supposed to be the saddest part of the episode
im laughing at you
hahahahha

2011-05-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

I've been on this, logged in for 30 minutes and procrastinating, sieving out hyunseung's photos.

Well, thought about alot of things today. I don't think it was intentional. I sort of let my mind drift away and tried to correlate the present events to memories of the past. How I felt, I cannot seem to pinpoint it because it was a mixture of hope, sadness and thankfulness. One thing that chewed me was the fact that our time as NCOs would end soon and so will the ties with RedCross. The bonds we were fixated to could become so fragile after we leave and start our new phase of life. How wonderful that time flies so fast. From an ignorant cadet to being part of a team that would do their best to keep the SCRCY spirit intact, my years in sc have taught me much and I've grown, fatter but most importantly, wiser and inclined to treasure all the people I've met. I lament often, and wonder if the contributions I have made would do anything or help in any way. Would it do much or can it only do as much as only be the supporting role? At the end of the day, would I be satisfied with the end result. And after thinking about it, indeed, my fate was determined a year ago and I can't go about changing it. As much as I hope that things could have been different, if its not meant to be, no one can force feed it. I suppose after much thought, it's not the end result or the role i'm given that I should be satisfied with but the company I have everyday, the marks I make on thursdays, every week on my calendar and the seniors that have come and gone, leaving behind their trails. Loving a CCA meant more then loving it for the returns but loving it because you know there are people in there who love you back and care for you the same you do for them. I wish I could stay longer.
My Dear NCOs, you may never see this (or bother to see this but I know you still love me) but I just want to thank you for all these years we've stuck together as a level. We've had our fair share of bimbotic, egotistical, domineering, wanna-be moments but i'm sure we all agree that our idiosyncrasies did not set us apart and instead, brought us closer. When I look back at how retarded we were as a level 3 years back it baffles me how much we've matured. I don't think I would have dared to dream in sec 1 that we would be this bonded. And when I think about the day we were given our roles and labeled as the next generation to lead, Im sad when I realise that just like all the past ncos, we would one day have to pack up our bags, leave and start afresh else where without the comfort of each other. Yet, the end is inevitable. I suppose when I flip open the pages of my photobook and scrutinize each picture taken together as a level, the wave of nostalgia and longing will hit me and I will know, that I have not regretted the time spent trudging through a tough but precious journey with each and everyone of you.

How can I live the rest of my life without remembering the passion I've had for RedCross all these years?

2011-04-23T23:15:00.002+08:00

My jaw aches. Like hell.

It's like having a fifth member in the family who takes up the equal amount of toothpaste needed to scrub it real clean. Morning and night. Darned retainers.

On a side note, I changed my blog skin. Fell for it when I saw the overwhelming brightness of orange. I actually didn't really take notice of the colour before, but it was because I liked the layout. Then I was like WOW. :) nice. And Hyunseung's picture goes with it right? right? I mean look at him <3

I have lost touch with blogging. and I need some getting used to. :/

2011-04-21T20:54:00.003+08:00

Every single time I look at my cbox I feel like smashing through the screen with a hammer. The spams are bloody annoying. Ah, makes my blog feel so cheap.

Last Sports Day in SC.

I'm really going to miss it. I mean at the point you're like, when is it ever going to end? But then you realise afterwards, the moment has past, what you make of it is what you will remember for life, and the event, time, place, people, will never be the same again. Every second that passes is like a timed camera clicking, snapping the different scenes that go pass. Once it happens, the motion can't be retracted.

And sometimes, the sore, achy feeling lingers when the unexpected occurs. What to do? If it's meant to be, there is no stopping. 2 chances, kapeeshed.

I felt so sick and knotted in the stomach because all I could think of was What now? There was worry and disappointment.

I'm sure the old man on the MRT wanted to ask why my face was so screwed up for the rest of my journey home.

I really wanted to march one last time.

2011-03-25T23:37:00.003+08:00

663rd post.

considering that I've had this blog for 5 years or more. thats pretty slow.

Can't deny, that reality sometimes makes me want to jump back into the abyss of whimsical fantasies and unrealistic happy endings. As much as I tell others to face up to reality, I float back, away from the truth behind the wall. hm.. I never want the wall to disappear.

Or maybe just not now. When it's time.

JHS! You suffice for now :)

2011-03-13T12:41:00.002+08:00

I know I said I wouldn't write till O levels were over but.. I couldn't resist. Didn't really think about blogging for the past few months but it just came to me last night when I was listening to automatic by tokio hotel. o.O Spur of moment. Creepy at the same time.

So.. things have been going okay I suppose. Aside from the fact that I've been trying new things like writing my own fanfic which is left dangling somewhere at some soppy part since afew weeks ago. =.= no time to write. no. No inspiration. I couldn't continue. And my sister is mocking soom behind my back. :/ And anyway I shouldn't be writing anything now since Os are this year. And I shouldn't be scouting fics or much less getting obsessed over kpop again but whatever, we all need a rest outlet anyway. idk, its my argument of defense whenever I'm asked to stop reading. :)

My bag gets heavier everyday. ha. It's heavy on fridays and mondays. I bring home all the books under my desk. When you're stressed and you're thinking about Os all the time, you become paranoid. paranoid about everything. Worry about things that don't need worrying. It's stressful on my poor brain that's been shoved brutally with strings of bio,chem, math, chinese. OMG CHINESE. hah. D: I've got holes in my brain dripping out juice everyday.

I think so far i've realised many things. Life reversed and took a change. Everything seems different, IS different. Initially they're like hands, slapping your face, left right centre, but you get used to it. I have this mindset now, that I should do good. That everything good thing I do will chock up in some bank and one day when I die, I will die in peace. It's nice to help others. Being of service, sacrificing for something, doing your best to help someone, I wish I was the fairy godmother of comfort. hahaaaaaa. the stupid things you think about when you are bored.

Do people ever get bored of helping? I wonder.

2010-12-16T23:20:00.003+08:00

I've decided to put my blog on hold.
So darling I shall see you at the end of next year, but,
should I feel compelled to have to blog about an event, I will see you again!

Let's see if my Hiatus is successful :)

I've decided to put my blog on hold.
So darling I shall see you at the end of next year, but,

I shall splash my blog with these!

You have to admit, that this one is sooooo cute :D

슈주

I shall be clueless about you next year though I will try not to be.
Nonetheless you have my support and no matter if it will never be the same again.
슈퍼주니어 will forever be 슈퍼주니어.
We will need to grow up someday.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder!
When I comeback, hopefully alive, I will love you even more!
Fighting! :)

I will be a 13eliever, an elf♥, always :)

2010-12-09T18:17:00.003+08:00

Arghh, tummy is rumbling like crazy. What have I eaten? :(
Tuition later. BORING and painful. But worth it I suppose.

heheheeeeee :D <3

2010-11-24T22:13:00.003+08:00

Lately, been hooked onto "Soom" 숨 by Beast.
Everyone says that i'm the first to like HyunSeung.
Maybe i just like him in the MV.
Then again I also like Kevin from Ukiss.

You do realise that they kinda look alike right?

2010-11-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

I need a friend.

I shall make myself one.

2010-11-24T21:17:00.003+08:00

Hi i'm back.

Been pretty lazy lately. lazy about lots of things. So i'm either too lazy or tired to blog about Vietnam trip.

2010-11-18T22:43:00.003+08:00

Was so busy today. In the morning I had to go back to school for the last class reunion before the year ended and then in the afternoon at about for was the Secondary 4 Graduation ceremony. Well in between, I went to swensens and made in candy. Got myself a bottle of sweets. Immma eat till my teeth rot and fall out.

So I went to school, sat in the room, WAITING FOR AISYAH. cos i thought that she'd at least take a look if the room was open first or not. -.- Apparently she went up first. hm, smart darling. Then went with her to take the flowers. We were so SURPRISED that the flowers smelled like perfume. Contemplating if the florist has sprayed some perfume on it to fake it. Apparently I didnt think the florist would do something like that so we had a good last whiff at it before placing it on the table. Bwahaha. Then we arranged the gifts in rows of 20.

Even if the entire ceremony was for the seniors I just couldn't help not to feel sad when the ex Head P. was making her speech. It just felt so artificial. Like at that point of time you just absolutely cannot bring yourself to believe that this is their last official day as sec 4s, no longer an sc girl but an sc graduate. One moment you're this, next moment you're something else totally different. One day you're in SC and the next you'll be in some Junior college or poly with unknown faces that diss you like you're some sort of a joke when they don't even know who you are. Nothing beats going back to a school whereby people can recognize you for who you are and not judge you by what you do first. When you leave, its the outside world and you're pretty much, alone, all again. from the start. I've been in SC for 10 years so the last time I went to a new school was 10 years ago. I'd like to know how I would cope with the new environment in time to come.

When the school song played, and I finished talking to my seniors, I realised, then it really hit me that this was it. This really was the last time you would see the cohort together. It was the vision of not having seniors anymore and missing their faces and also the fact that now you are replacing their position. No more people to take care of us. Now we have to do the dirty job. heheh :)

Things. Change.

Aisyah said that she wished that there wouldn't be time.
I said that wasn't possible.
Without time we would never have been here, alive or with our friends and seniors.
Then she wished time to stop.
Then I wished too.

2010-11-04T21:44:00.001+08:00

THIS IS THE KIND OF DAY WHEN YOU CANT TELL IF IT WAS A GOOD ONE OR NOT SO
asdkfjei it!

Freaky

2010-10-29T19:35:00.001+08:00

Ye know, it gets kinda scary when things get serious like this o.o well life is like that. All the awkward moments you have to go through. Im tired. And I want to sleep. I have an incredible mind that allows me to think of incredulous things when im tired.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

Test

2010-10-27T21:02:00.001+08:00

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

2010-10-25T22:20:00.002+08:00

Because everyone's posting macs so if i dont im the loser.

well just two.

I think im going to be addicted soon.

2010-10-24T18:08:00.002+08:00

The moment I got home I slept. hahaha :D
Prefect's camp was fun! Well everyone thought that it was an extremely intensive camp but turns out it wasn't a camp at all, it was an intensive. The trainer said that camps were all fun and games. This 3 days 2 nights was definitely no camp :/

Firstly, let me give you some insight on the various things we ate.
1. Buffet meals? (Not really though, just one carb and three dishes)
2.Muffins! (For Day 1)
3.Kit Kat
4.Ice Cream
5.Sweets
6.More muffins (Marie ann's mum)
7. Strawberry Cheese cake ('')
8. Brownies ('')
9. On day 2 Ella's mum bought macs for all of us. As an addition to the buffet breakfast.
10. Many cups of milo, tea and coffee

We were fed so well. The teachers love us too much. :D

On day one we slept at three. I felt quite okay. I wasn't complaining or anything. One detrimental mistake is that I forgot to bring a pillow and a jacket. ESPECIALLY a jacket. The music room was damn cold :(
On day 2 by about eleven pm my eyes were beginning to feel like closing. eck. Andrea told me my eyes were damn red so we got some milo to drink. but i still felt sleepy. Really sleepy. So sleepy that I got grumpy and didn't really understand what the trainer was saying because every time I got a scare and suddenly became more alert all the information just flows out of your head. :( At three am I thought she was finally going to end but then she said that there was one thing she wanted to close the session with.

A song.

And that song was not practiced for 5 minutes but was practiced till 5 am in the morning. Do you have any idea how people's minds react when they are still awake at 5. AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING. WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ENDING AT 3 PLUS. D: For all the times we practiced, when i wanted to open my mouth to sing my eyes blinked so when it closed, I slept for a few seconds before jolting up. It happened afew times. Looked really stupid. Piramol saw how sleepy I was so we leaned back to back. I slept on kelyn's waist on the gallery floor before deciding that it was a uncomfortable position. At 5.30 Inez plugged the com into the gallery plugs then I told her to just do it in the morning cos she was tired but she said that she'd do it now. Turns out five minutes later I woke up and found her closing her eyes and leaning against the wall. I remember asking her if she was sleeping but she said she was just resting. Got up at 7.30 and saw her sleeping next to aisyah on the floor. :D

Sleeping on the gallery floor with a wet towel used from drying your hair with no sleeping bag or jacket is a hard thing to do. It also looks pretty pathetic when you're curled up like a baby. I was so cold, the floor was so cold and hard. My towel was wet. My knees pain. My bones pain. :( But I slept.

Day 3. Ahh I was so happy that it was ending. And then when it came to a close. Realised that I would really miss it. Sigh. All the times we discussed for long hours. All the bonding. Playing the piano, guitar, singing in groups. :) We are closer! Don't think i'll be forgetting about this anytime soon :]

Oh shit. school tomorrow.

2010-10-10T23:24:00.004+08:00

Crap, its been so long since I've written anything.
My Hiatus has ended. Bwahahahaha.

Its like during the week you're hoping that the misery will end soon and then when its over, you aren't really inclined to do anymore studying but there's nothing much for you to do. I played xbox till I felt like puking, slept for an hour, did comprehension and then, forcing myself to use the computer because there was nothing else to do. Oh and watching the last bit of Joy Luck Club which was the only thing I was looking forward to today. :/
Some Pictures!

AOP Group 2
Life was tough, but we saw it through well! :D

NCOs 2010/2011
We've come really far. You guys are THE BEST :D

POC Dinner 2010
As you can see, we set the standards.

Amanda Kwek, Amanda Koh, Amanda Loh, Me , Amanda Lee
WHATTT???? :D

arrhh.. I love my seniors :]

There was never one minute that I stopped to reflect if I'd regretted doing something or put down any decision because even if it was not quite right, I would have learned something one way or another. It's been so long. I remember how when I was 3 years younger and took it as a joy ride. Now, its all quite different.

Oh boy,on a lighter note, I'm finally going out tomorrow. (claps hands in glee)

2010-07-10T10:06:00.002+08:00

Ah, finally after A math remedial, I could just go down a little while to the room and have a nice nice chat with my levelmates :D
Having 4 math periods in a row, is a serious way to get a brain haemorrhage. I literally burned every bit of brain cell :( but oh well it was fun, and mr tee was nice enough to let me be the only one to leave without finishing every sum... welll that was only cos I was the last one and if he waited it'd only hold him back. And karuna.. you.... made.. me erase off my problem thinking that it was wrong.. >:) and i had to redo it all over again.

Talks about sulin's sweet marriage.. my outfit on my wedding day.. One fine spring day and a -bleh- walked pass me.. Nadira's darling song, yes marsya, we need a recorder in the room.

2010-06-26T19:53:00.002+08:00

After watching a lot of will it blends i'm finally sick of how tom dickson repeats his statement of "Will it blend? that is the question".

Woke up this morning when the alarm clock rang at 5.30 and suddenly swung up in a "sit up" position. Cool.

June Camp for me was like a roller coaster ride. Every minute was worrying about a particular this or that. And I suppose when you worry too much, it really does not do you much good. It just messes your mind up and screws your brain into a muck of mess. Its like, I suddenly remembered a nice analogy, stage fright. You're paralysed, and a fool, standing there like and idiot and if you dont do something real fast and good, you're gone!
Yet, still I assumed too much. Letting your mind and feelings run wild is not a good idea. Utterly mental torture!
I suppose so now i've come to a grand close of my cadet life. There are happy moments and sad moments that will forever remain in the stash. Since sec one, i've been thinking and looking at the ex ex ex ncos, wondering how did they go so far in their life, all so soon, would I take a long time to reach that position too? No, i'm here already and thinking how stupid it was for me in sec 1 for wanting to see what the Red Cross room looked like.
Throughout camp, and almost my entire cadet life I knew that at the end of the day, it didn't matter whether the amount of effort you put in was kept in check, but if you really enjoyed your life being part of it, being part of a circle of friends you never want to let go, being part of SCRCY. It didn't matter at the end of the day, what the outcome was on black and white, but if you've put in the most effort you ever could in making your time as fulfilling as possible, if you were happy and quite sure that no other cca would make you feel quite as lucky as you were.
We have come a long way, struggled to keep afloat, sunk to the bottom-est pit and probably sometimes drifted down into the BOTTOMLESS pit and finally after the right detours and wrong routes, LAND AHOY! We've reached the shore. And no its not over, not yet.
I will miss the times as a cadet, doing accreds, being hollered at by ncos, drilled for not getting a command right, scrambling for firedrills because all this made me for who I am. I've never regretted. And I'm truly thankful and satisfied.

I will miss my ma'ams. :'(
but no crying! -sniffs-

Its time to try defying gravity.

2010-06-18T23:18:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've felt really empty.
I dont know! I just feel as if i've lost in touch with my life. I dont know why i'm alive or what i'm living for. Maybe that's just the problem with holidays, the more you stay at home, the more you rot away. I can't go on the computer, there's no xbox, I can't play dota, I aint talking to anyone! (I dont go out) (man. my social life is a total wipeout and thats not healthy right.) I feel like a total alien. Maybe that's why I themed my English essay as Alienation. But really, thats just a totally different story and scenario.
I just came back from Korea and it was awesome (: But I have so many regrets(as people obviously always do when they dont shop enough), and I want to go back again. Perhaps maybe, soon. Spao Shirts! Whee! <:D Winnie and I entered the shop and from then on we just went totally crazy. Totally insane. She clambered for SNSD endorsed items and I scrambled for the suju shirts.

A: Hurry up!
W: okayokay!
-comes back after awhile- and i'm lining up first-
A: What shirt is that?
W: A shirt that looks nice.
A: Who endorsed it?
W: No one!
A: THEN WHY ARE YOU BUYING IT?? D:
W: WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT???!

I suppose the huge huge big superjunior and snsd wall pictures lined side by side on the walls of the spao building really got me thinking that only the endorsed clothing were worth my eyes. hahaha! I was really staring hard at the Eeteuk and jessica photo .. when I was paying.. and i was just .. .. .. gosh, ;(
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I FOUND THE LAST PIECE OF THE SUJU AOTPB SOUNDTRACK WITH MERCHANDISE IN THE SHOP!! :D AND AND IT HAD THIS METAL KIBUM CARD WHICH LOOKED SO SLEEEEEK. AND AND THE PHOTO CARDS ARE SO NICE. AND AND THE POSTER.-FAINTS-

When the teachers were about to finish talking, suddenly the cd shop started playing the bonamana video on the screen and my ears just perked up. kelsey gasped, and i turned around excitedly because i'd found a new elf that i didnt know of and started squirming and saying, "I KNOW RIGHT!! " We looked like idiots.

D: doesnt your heart just melt when you see them playing like kids? (:

2010-06-07T18:51:00.002+08:00

In a few hours.. I'll be blown away to fairy land, to the depths of Korean cuisine and culture.

And yesterday was a total bummer. I dont know if I regretted going though.

I still thought that maybe, I was a little closer.

Perhaps its the wishful wimpy thoughts of a deprived a fan. But maybe sj could have made a more.. beautiful choice by not opting for the Vip exit. Because all the fans out there, who just waited and waited. were crushed.

One thing you learn from all this is that nothing come for free.

You want something, you pay for it, or you'll never get it.

I suppose, miracles are things that you want that happen for free right.

But that's if god wants it to happen.

I ate korean food anyway so i was pretty happy. thankyou!

And sleeping on the mrt with marsya was the most blissful thing that could happen to me because I distinctly remember myself slowly letting gravity take over and pull my mouth down agape, and then opening my eyes to see a man staring at me intently.

I uh, really hope i didnt drool.

AND MY ARMS HURT NOW FROM CARRYING MARSYA

YOU HEAVY PIG! :D but its okay, I dont mind :]

Goodbye !

2010-06-05T14:52:00.000+08:00

I have a head ache.

and I killed crabs today :]

whooohoo, crabs to chow tonight

2010-05-29T21:58:00.002+08:00

I think what matters most in life is doing the right thing.

You can live it to the fullest, acquire all the knowledge you want.
But have you used the correct means to attain it.
Have you given back the kindness and love that others shared with you.
What do you actually want in life?
Just to please others around you? To look good?
What do you live for?
To spite? To override all others?
I can't do alot of things. I wish I could do them well.
God wants me to be sensible, and I will try my best to be.

I dont want to follow. I want to the something right.

2010-05-29T21:13:00.002+08:00

Ugh, i feel so.. disgusted.

2010-05-28T21:08:00.003+08:00

In the blog entry.
There will be no elements of positivity. Because in which case, there is nothing really nice to tell about.
No darling, nothing.
What you do reminds me of how my friends treated me in the past.
Oh, so you'd like me to associate you with that?
oops, how cheap.
But i suppose if you like it this way, i'll just play along :D
I mean, you like games right? :) Then we'll play it till the end.
But then again I thought you only played these games in Primary.

The only difference from the "then" me and now,
is that i'd prefer not to just sit and watch you.

Oh my one day you'll eat back the vomit you puked out.

2010-05-26T15:41:00.002+08:00

Help.

Bloghopping just made me realised the happy days I spent together in secondary 1 and 2 when I was a lone ranger.

Why did things have to change?

Well I never saw it coming,
I should have started running,
a long long time ago.

2010-05-26T15:26:00.002+08:00

Okay lah, I shall write. Been procrascinating and pro longing blogging since ages. I just feel so lazy to blog now a days but since I have the chance now i should GRAB IT and I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW i'm suppose to be doing AOP! I KNOW its just that my file in this annoying school computer isn't opening up so i'm just waiting for it to finish throwing tantrums first >:(
On a lighter note I'm quite quite satisfied with Nightwalk except that I'll have to make changes but thats okay because its 85% done. Screw myself for Firedrill. -wields gun-

Staying back in school yesterday was fun! managed to finally put my ideas on paper and roughly planned for firedrill. And my biology so far is making me more then pleased :D Random i know but.. I'm doing better and its making me quite happy.
Law 4- Litigation! Realised 5 minutes after entering the class that I signed up for the same thing last year. Lol. Oh well, I get to hear it differently from another person so I suppose that it was okay. I dont know really. She said that when she started out she had no idea she was going into law and people who end up doing this dont actually realise that they were/wanted to when they were young. hm....
HAHA, amanda.l took Law too. Except she took the other route which is Corporate Law.
Maybe arguing on court would allow me to let off steam that I've accumulated over the years.
Criminal Prosecution. Nice!

and the korea talk was so awesome.

I can't wait to sink my teeth into the ginseng chicken again.
:)

2010-05-16T16:42:00.002+08:00

I've been like on Hiatus. Well i'm back again.
Tests every week, D: But hey, I got passed chem, so that's one big relief :D
Its like each time you get over something, another load, just comes crumbling on to you.
Like you don't need anymore stress already people start being idiots. D: Go get a life you silly muckheads and stop complaining.
And I have to reply my angel. ;/

AND MY PLAYER IS NOT WORRRKKIINNGGGG D:
D:d:d:d:D:Dd:d:D:dD:
Dufenshmirtz.

Its stuck in my head now thanks to sulin ;)

2010-05-07T21:09:00.002+08:00

Today was one hell of an awesome day :D

In the morning was like panic panic panic. Sec ones and Sec twos!
Lost babies running round the amphi back and forth from the Peranakan Garden!
Amanda Loh was there doing reporting procedures,
Natalie's hair was like kapesh. Badges were like dang. Sec threes were like flustered.
Well we were all late, but everyone came in the end. Phew.

Then flag raising was so cool :D
Speech read out, faeqa ma'am presented the awards to Mrs Low (EUA GOLD. WHOOOO! :D)
And then the loveliest part came and that is the part where the director presented the Sustained Achievement Award to the Principal. :"D -tears- no kidding. haha.
Then he said a few words and all the time I couldn't believe that he was in school.

9 YEARS OF GOLD!
We need another year to complete the decade with a bombastic finale. :)

HAPPY WORLD RED CROSS DAY! :D

2010-04-30T20:49:00.002+08:00

Sherilyn, I feel so guilty for saying that Bill Kaulitz didnt look good. :)
I take back my selfish words.
Because now I think he looks great ;D

2010-04-26T21:52:00.002+08:00

I guess you're feeding me with bitter pills.
Like the years that passed, months ago.
Repetition, that is your style isn't it?
To repeat and to re open.
Re slice back the wound you slew twice.
Re seal it back when I say a mere, "its okay".

Why, do you think I keep harping on the same topic?
Is it because I just love wasting my life away?
I've got nothing better to do then to pick on something
that is not annoying me at all?
Let me tell you this.
Its getting _____ annoying.
The only time I've ever been this angry with a person was like..
Oh HEY, only ever with you .
Speak up if you have a problem.
Why do others always have to make the first move?
Because everything is about you.
"Me, its just me."
I did no wrong. If I did, God will make me pay my dues.
But if you think that your name's clear too,
well then, lets just leave it for him to rule our lives yeah?

Selfish.

2010-04-23T19:01:00.003+08:00

The silence isn't so bad,
till I look at my hands and feel sad.
Cause the spaces between my fingers
are right where yours fit perfectly.

-Vanilla Twilight Owl City

Today was a really good day :)
A math was so good today! :D
All of us were like doing polynomials and then Mr tee was like doing sums with us and haunting us at the same time for not doing homework. Then he gave us three problems to do and we had to finish it before going home and it was already 3.45! We were all laughing and laughing and laughing because tanya was going cranky, each time thinking she finished but she was actually missing out on something in the work solutions. I'm TELLING YOU. MR TEE WAS BASKING IN OUR STRESSFUL LOOKS. the desperation of wanting to just go home and youre stuck in school doing 3 Amath problems and it looks like its gonna rain. He was just damn happy and he kept laughing. Everyone was like, I'm done! I'm done! but I"m like, I"MMMM NOOOT DDDONNNEEEE HEEELLLPP.
Heheh, then he was like staring at me and laughing.. "dont streess okay amanda? dont stress"
"But last person who finish... consequences will be..."
-everyone starts to panic, "What WHAT. more problem sums?"
"NO. -laughs-, just put the remaining worksheets in the pigeon hole"
And because i'm not exactly focusing, i'm the last to leave class. BWHAHAHA
but thankyou erin for staying back and watching me slowly move my pen across and zone out until 4:03 :D
Oh, then yesterday, me, ziwei, marsya, maryam and amanda.l walked to the board and was picking at the stuff on it when suddenly something jumped and dropped on the ground, ziwei thought it was a pin. but it was a lizard.
Then marsya screamed then we ALL screamed. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA.
me? I screamed? WHAT the heck man.
well, I guess if you cant beat them, join them.
But i have to admit I was abit.. shocked. haa.
Then after that we were all laughing and I was poking fun at maryam who was looking as if she was gonna die laughing saying that she screamed and she had to rub it in and say, "No! I was like laughing at you guys" -continues chuckling-.-
And Mrs Chan is picking on me! During chem prac she kept coming to check on me which is something that I guess I sort of appreciated.
Mr lau told us to write the chem equation
She approaches me and tells me what to do because I guess she always always asks me to do chem eq and I always look and sound blur and unsure.
I give her a whiny sound and look like.. -Youre doing this to me again- kind of look.
Then I guess through me eyes she sort of recieved the message then she was laughing and saying how shes not only telling me to do it.
I got it right anyway in the end then she told me good but I forgot to put in my state symbols. :X

oops.
And HEY, even though it was quite long ago,
getting 10/15 for Logarithms Quiz is quite awesome right ? :D

2010-04-08T20:24:00.002+08:00

I feel.. funny.

In bad way.

My headache and throat is.. crap!

Today was an exciting day. well not really because I felt wierd since morning.
AND AHHHH THE STReSS. AHHHHHH.
Yes yiling, now i know how you felt :( Good experience though.
haha, telling my classmates that I feel wierd and sticking my hands out,
saying that the germs from me are jumping off onto them from my fingers, really
tick them off and they'ed start giving me the eeeeee look.
I mean, so what if you get sick, youre not gonna die. :(
And Mr Jo thinks I passed the virus to him. bleh.

Just one more day, one more day.

2010-04-05T22:06:00.001+08:00

I realised that I havent quite been performing for the past few days.
Like my Art is... dropping at an extreme rate.

2010-04-02T11:39:00.002+08:00

April 2nd

WOW.
I mean like tomorrow's already the competition.
Am I ready? Am I really ready? No im not.
Last minute changes make me feel like stabbing myself. ugh.
I'm just going to practise till I blow my brain And do whatever I can tomorrow.
Just do whatever I can.

yup, whatever I can.

Got a new ward by the way. Told myself I'd resign to fate and just accept whatever I'd get.
AND FATE really listened to what I said and gave me a ward I thought I'd never have.
Spectacular. The miracles of being so earnest and then now I really have to mean what I say
and accept that he's given me this person. I mean, its a good pick:) Just very risky.
And then the old ward, no more letters, ah the pain :(

Thankyou for your poster and the teddy bear! Every time before I sleep I shall hug it.
I dont really take good care of all my soft toys but for this particular one, I'd make sure I do :D
And THE POSTERR:D I LOVE IT:D

NOW I CANT OPENLY SAY

THAT I LOVE KIM KI BUM BWAHAHAHAAHAHAAA :D
its like I just walked out of my cupboard.

2010-03-27T22:47:00.003+08:00

I spent the entire night doing it! woohoo and i'll print it out tomorrow.
I still dont feel sleepy yet.

This morning I had Macs. pancakes. YUM :)
pouring the sweet syrup... smearing the grape jam...creaming it with butter....dousing it with more syrup... heaven.
And I look at polynomials. I see stars.
coefficients and powers? WHAT. AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITH THEM.

Okay talentime.

Diyana, Nadira, me and Marsya :)

Diyana, act LIKE A GIRL
That smile is very scary.

SONG, WE ROCK. :D BIG BIG TIME

Drama! :D

JACQ, THIS IS THE ONLY, FIRST, MOST BEAUTIFUL
PICTURE WE'VE TAKEN THROUGHOUT OUR SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE.
SHEESH:D I LOVE YOU.

i actually can't believe how close we've actually become.
Thinking about it, wasting my breath quarreling with you in Sec one was stupid.

2010-03-24T16:21:00.002+08:00

Chemistry and math was so screwed
Elect lit was okay.

So revealing is next thursday. Its a joke right.
Because its on april fools.
Frankly I never want revealing.
I dont want to it ever happen.
Sometimes to much of a good thing doesn't always mean that the outcome would be bad.

I want to say so much.
but im too lazy to say it.
no im not lazy.

Oh no wait someone's being a bitch.

You know how when you get angry the feeling of it just isnt very impactful
well sometimes it is but there are certain times where it comes very subtly,
then it just brews and brews.
I want to spew vulgarities now.
But my parents would make noise and tell me to just shut up.

I dont want to shut up.
She's a ..... and she knows that.
I just wanted to justify that fact.

2010-03-13T12:55:00.002+08:00

holy cow, i've got a bandage around my hand so its difficult to type.

Ah, it feels really nice typing on the computer after a long time and I realise I always say that because I blog after long periods of time.
But since im using my dads com now and hes not saying anything then i'll just leave it as that until he starts roaring at me to get off.

What is the definition of mature?
Is it physical, mental or both?
My dad says mental.
And yes I agree with it too.
But it also depends on the context on when youre using it.

We all grow up someday.
Some grow faster then others.
The people who cannot understand well are those that have not matured yet.
So do we, the wiser, make a point to close one eye and accept they're nonsense,
or find a way to correct they're thinking even if it means hurting them?
If we are brutal, and force our mindset on them, will they open they're ears
and listen?
I wish I had someone to tell me the ideals of ideas and hypothesis's.
Then I could never make the wrong decision.
But he was smart to do it this way,
because through trial and error, we would learn.
And learn it the hard way.

I rarely hate people now.
But I hate those who lie.
Even if you stab and spit at me,
I dont really mind.
Because he watches and he understands,
and you'll pay your dues soon.

That's why I resist the temptation to come up and slap you.

If things aren't to be, and will never happen,
act normal, and don't make a fool out of yourself.

child.

2010-02-28T01:20:00.001+08:00

Ah shitties much.

I miss OBS so much that I cried on the bus to flag day and the driver kept staring at me.
Marco Polo,
Shee mun, Faizal.

Where are you?

2010-02-14T16:40:00.002+08:00

I am finally on the computer after a very very long time.
Hello internet, my beloved.

Since 2 weeks ago I wanted to write about Orientation :D And now it begins.

ALPHA ALPHA ALPHA!
Group i/c
Members:

Amanda Soo, co-partner Mary Lim

Dearest Sec twos :Audi, Hweeleng

Precious Sec Ones: Natalie Teo, Melissa Chay, Amanda Kwek. (AMANDA:D AGAIN. HAHAHA)

So the night before I was freaking freaking out, because we had to come up with the cheer thing. And I HAD TUITION. of all days. TUITION. If not for mary the next day would have been a total disaster.

I was sweating like mad running back and forth in the Amphitheatre, from Aisyah to my group, to Aisyah again. All the secthree's were on the brink of a heartattack. But the most like-able one to attain one first was Aisyah, overall IC :(
Mary and I had to teach the whole group the cheer and all, remind stuff like sitting up straight and saying "ma'am yes ma'am" properly. I dont know if the faces on the Secondary ones were like brimming with anticipation, indifferent, or just totally trying to abstain from the thought of getting flour into their undergarments. But I know that I was really looking forward to having my entire body covered in, well lets put it in the way I like to call it, pastry. ( And it turned out better then I expected! :D )

We had the usual thing. Being in squad, waiting for the NCO's to finish doing all the administrating stuff. When they were taking away the bottles I was like "NOOOO NOT THE BOTTLESSS! " Well yeah but they put it back.
Standing infront, with your juniors behind you, is kind of like a different feeling.
A different perspective, a different role that you have to play.
2 years back I was standing behind a looming statue, afraid to say anything incase I offend anyone. But now we are teaching the rest, like how our seniors did before. It's suddenly a huge responsibility.

Then we had Group interaction i think. The time were we groups discuss and the ma'am's do the sabo-ing. Chloe ma'am was like. "Amanda look up", put me in diam, closedmy eyes. flour all over my face, look down, open eyes. clown.
Diluted dyed water, flour, my face my undergarments my pocket. Everything, my hair my shoe.
flooded with mucky gunk. But it was fun, and I quite liked it. I mean, how many times in a year do you get this much fun? this much joy? If you dont enjoy it now and experience it, you never will.

The first thing on my list was Abrasonie. Before that we had a mass game which was Double wacko. I screamed like a suckling pig, and someone should really have just stuffed me to make me shut up.
I thought that I was the only group going to play the game but apparently my opponent was Bravo. And amanda Loh was incharge.
Man i really gave what ever I could to my group, dancing is not my forte, but i bared it all.

After doing the cheer we were off to play .. I can't remember the thing
but the main highlight of it was that we had to pick up mentos in a shallow aluminium pan full of water, waddle or something till the end, spit the mentos in the very oddly placed red cups which are like horizontal on the grass and use your mouth to pick up the sweet in the bed of flour.
I was the first to go, and offered to go twice because Hweeleng couldnt play.
The moment I stuck my mouth into the mentos tasting water I was thinking, "I just need to get the sweet in my mouth, and hey, the taste isnt so bad." After it was in my mouth, I waddled then stuck the sweet in the cup, and plonked my entire wet face into the flour trying to grab the sweet. Boy it was soooooo disgusting. I spat the sweet out and ran over to the drain to spit what ever flour was left in my mouth, me and piramol just looked at each other and laughed really hard trying to wipe of our flour covered face.
The second time I went, out of desperation to get the sweet, I took a whole mouthful of floor and had my tongue searching for the sweet, spat the sweet out, went over to the drain and puke.
Besides having panadol in your mouth, if you want to induce vomiting, just eat flour, a whole mouthful of it.
After that we could sabo the ma'ams like crazy. I had great fun >:) Ran around, sneaked behind people, poured this, that. :D fought like never before. There was like this streak of, "you do this to me, I will do it back to you kind of think, or even twice more the damage you've done" I just kept pouring coupious amounts of diluted dye water on the ma'ams. .. .. .. Fun :)

puked again because of the smell of the soya sauce, whoops :(

Then came the serious part, washing up the tables and chairs! it was so hard to cleannn.

And the toilet, eeeeek, it was full of yellow water, and dough and hair. We contemplated on the thought of just rinsing off and walking back out without really bathing but nahh. I held the hose and flung it on everyone who need water. Washed my hair with the dirty clothes on, then finally rinsed properly.
Got back out and sat through the talk with the sec twos and ones.
But Aisyah hurt her toe :( darn.

after that it was besurai and I together with isabel ma'am helped aisyah down to the courtyard.
hmm, after it ended I didnt quite get to see and ask if the sec ones in my group enjoyed themselves or not :(

overall, this is, my best orientation.
It'll take me years to forget, the mixed taste of flour and puke in my mouth! :D

2010-02-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

oh my,
It's as though I'd dumped my blog for ages. :D
Like i'm on a Hiatus for so long!

Hey, i just realised im too lazy to write anything lol.

2010-01-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

Life is just great.

Life is just perfect.

Life is just like a perfect mugging death road.

I feel like i leaped over the sea.

2010-01-16T17:09:00.003+08:00

You know its funny how you can write with a pencil on paper and rub if off with an eraser.
And how when you write on the board, you just need tissue or a duster to wipe it off.

But,
What you can't erase on the paper is a faint mark your pencil has left on the white sheet.
What you can't erase is the remnants of the ink, smeared across the smooth board.

No matter how hard you try to remove the mark on the paper using the eraser,
rubbing and rubbing will only induce a hole.
No matter how hard you try to clean away the ink on the board,
the area of where the ink spreads will just get bigger and bigger.

What's done, is done. The book of history can't tear off the page and incinerate it.
Even if it does the ashes of matter will still be there.
The memories of what has taken place will be recorded.
And time will not turn back as you will it to.

If you slit open a piece of flesh, how will you heal it?
If you and I don't know how to sew it up, it'll just bleed.

And bleed and bleed and rot, then die away. Blackened.

How the relationship had fought to survive,
it's success story will never be published.
It died because of a tragedy.

So how can a heart break any further if its already broken?

2010-01-14T22:50:00.001+08:00

3 words

Screwed.

Wrong.

Unexpected.

~

I've got sunburn

ouchy

2010-01-08T20:18:00.002+08:00

The song makes me feel happy. This is not exactly a good sign, if you get what I mean.
SuperJunior H has done its job well :)

Somehow I don't know why I feel so so so happy that its the weekend.
When I wanted so much to go to school.
During E math class, gabrielle and tanya were like dozing off.
Tanya was going to fall asleep and gabrielle's eye's were like half open, and red.
And here i'm to poor fool who's trying to listen to what Mrs tan's saying
when everyone else is just closing their eyes and shutting their ears.

When I was on the bus, I sat on the seat where you kind of face everyone and can see what their doing.
Almost 80 percent of the entire passenger population had their eyes shut.
Even the boy who was standing, gripping onto the railing with his face towards the window.

Everyone's tired.
And I don't want the weekend to end so soon.

2010-01-03T18:26:00.002+08:00

I can finally say, safely make a statement that I HAVE OFFICIALLY FINISHED MY HOLIDAY HOMEWORK.

HALLELUJAH !

2009-12-31T22:18:00.001+08:00

I'm learning "reset" from superjunior now.

2009-12-31T21:38:00.002+08:00

I was talking to amandaloh just now,
and i'm like : I've got an uls-rr on my cheeck
She goes: Have you tried putting salt? (And just when i thought it was a solution to my problem...) it hurrrrrrrrtttss.

???

Lol

2009-12-29T21:03:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I'm in need of someone telling me to go get a life.
I don't really have one now if I keep harping on the same old thing.
If I dont move on, I will never budge.

I've already packed my bag, this shows how much
I want to go back to school :)

2009-12-29T14:19:00.002+08:00

I cant wait,
School is starting :)

Yay.

How excited do i sound?
I actually am. really.
It's just that I'm too lazy to hit the caps button.
I spent the whole of last night trying to save the ones I liked.
And I relived :)
Now we all just got to sit and wait :)

2009-12-28T21:17:00.002+08:00

The domestic helper misinterpreted my words.
Well, there was a punnet of korean strawberries.
And my mum told me to seperate it into 3 portions.
I then told the domestic helper to blend my portion because I cant bite on the berries.
She ended up blending everything.
So my sister came up with a wacky idea.
And we made strawberry milkshake.

Well, it was pretty nice. Nice drink.
Then thinking at the predicament i'm in now made me
feel like regurgitating all that I downed.

2009-12-26T23:07:00.002+08:00

Today, my teeth didnt hurt so much.
I figured that if your teeth is extremely crooked, like my bottom set of teeth,
the pain will be EXTREME. Because of how much the dentist pulls and tightens the wire
threaded into the braces. and expecially how i've got TWO BIG GAPS, holes, spaces, from where my two teeth were extracted. damn, he pulled really hard. If I didnt say ow he probably wouldnt stop. well, I said ow, but he didnt stop.

The first day was unbearable. But not enough to get me crying.
The second day was a little less.
Today, the pain seems to be gone, sometimes coming and then going, but theres this feeling that I want to bite on my teeth. But I can't. if I accidently, lightly hit my teeth, theres this tremendous painful sensation from the root.
I can't eat anything at all. Except porridge.
So my christmas dinner was.. porridge. and mashed bread in curry.
I don't swear, but in a week's time im going to eat 5 meals a day to compensate for what i've lost out on. :(

Today, I ate a baked banana. :) and I'm so happy now.
it was soft and nice :D
cinnamon and honey is bliss.

I've got another for collection :D

2009-12-25T21:47:00.000+08:00

ARGH I feel like biting on my teeth but I cant.

Merry Christmas everyone.

2009-12-24T22:19:00.000+08:00

My damn bloody teeth hurrts like crap.

and 5 more standing up to sm?

sounds pretty good to me.

I know that is way wrong.

But Hankyung sure needs some buddies to help him right? :)

2009-12-23T14:12:00.001+08:00

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.

- "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns (Siwon's solo)

Well marsya, that really truly sucks :( seriously.

2009-12-23T02:10:00.002+08:00

Holy cow

This is the first time I'm up so late.
muahaha, my dad gave me the com.
everyone's asleep. no one knows im doing this.
muahahaha.

~
There are afew reasons why I cant sleep.

The first is that the room is too hot. The conditions in this room are not for sleeping.

Two, I drank green tea before I went to bed.

Three, and the last. And the most devastating. And the sole one that is the main cause of my insomnia.

Is Hankyung's big decision.

Reading the terms of the contract. HK really was treated unfairly.
But I;m selfish. And I want a happy ending.
Dont you?

I keep lying on my bed thinking. So I'm wide awake.
Time difference in korea is probably one or two hours faster . I wonder what each suju member is doing right now. Perhaps late night rehearsing, eating instant noodles, lying in bed staring into space, sitting on the couch in a dilemma about this whole ordeal like how probably all the other fans out there are. ( But the mad ones are probably crying their eyes dry and slitting wrists :d)
But its just my pure imagination.

Before going to sleep, or trying to go to sleep , I was lying on the bed with my mum and my sis.
sis had an earphone plugged into her right ear and mine on my left. Then I let her hear Siwon's live redition of "Who am I" by casting crowns. Im pretty surprised Siwon chose this song. Yet at the same time not that surprised because this song was a christian one, knowing how strong Siwon is in the Christian faith. But for the fact that he chose this song, this one song that I love so much and know for a pretty long time, its a miracle.
Its a song where we both can uh.. comiserate with? wrong spelling. But yeah that.
Same religion and all, this song really really brought me closer to god. Made me understand.
And Siwon sang it. Of all the tunes in the world he chose just this one.

I love this song very much.

I love god, I can't say how much because there is no word for it.

I love SuperJunior.

And I just wish that All the things I love would be happy. All the people I love would be happy.
But somethings are not meant to be.
If there come a time where it has to go.
He has his reasons.
He does everything for a reason, for a cause.
It's not meant to hurt, but to make you learn.

I will truly respect that.
But one of my wishes for christmas
Is to see a happy ending to this.
Where everybody is happy.